Had to go to a and e! :( Wasnt a good look! haha

So i am super depressed at the mo… i just cant stand life any more!! so this is what happened starting at friday. I was just thinkig life is not worth it anymore. and i felt so uncomfortable at night. I thought to myself that cutting might help! but the last couple of times it hadnt so i thought maybe i will try it one last time to see if it does work… basically riped my legs to shreds! And guess what! It didnt help, the pain went away within 5 mins! Im thinking this is shit, if that dosent work then what am i sopose to do! So i keep hearing myself at the back of my head saying kill yourself constanly and i was having images of me getting the sharpested razor and slitting my wrist! I did eventually manage to get to sleep thinking it will get better tooz and the thoughts would go away… but did there hell!!

Saturday came round and as soon as i got up my head was saying oh you are worthless! you dont deserve nothing! You are going to have to kill yourself before sun down!! YOU MUST YOU MUST!! It really fucking was feaking me out so i told my friend everything!! cause i didnt know if i could handle it!! She was there for me and she doesnt know it but she did save my life.. i had to keep txting her to tell her i am okay but that made me feel that someone cared.

Sunday she came a slepted round to keep me safe and to make sure i saw a doctor on monday and tell them everything.

Today … I told her mental health worker and my doctors and she wrote like a page full and it was in tiny tiny writing! it was insane. But my friend asked me after if how i felt and she said i would feel releived which i do! I also feel vunerable because i have no secrets and i keep thinking that my mum is going to find out. i dont know what to do… but the doctor is getting in touch with someone for me to talk too but the last time i checked talking didnt help… but we will see if this one is better!!

But i feel i am getting worst!! Im sooooo fucking scared right now…. I dont know what is going to happen to me!! Xx

Dont worry. I am absolutly fine now trust me!! it is all under control! I just had a mental fart situation and it wasnt a good day but i am better now!! Promise. :D Xx

mail me if you want my number!! :D xx

Thank you… That made me happy! and i would love to be friends with you!! :D

I am soo fucking scared right now… the past couple of weeks i have exsperienced so much shit i actually think they will put me in a mental hospital if i tell them!!!

Since starting at work, my physical and mental state has gone down hill!!

At first i started seeing people in the house like every couple of month, but now the episodes are getting closer and closer together and it is just so strange.

Also i my head has started telling me weird things that i beleive but are totally unrealistic like there saying that i have worms under my skin and i tried to scratch them out and actally made it nearly bleed and it also scabed over on my right arm. Then the next night it happened again but it was in my leg and that one was even worse!! and it has been about 4 days now and it actally still hurts! And i can really feel the worms tonight but trying to resist to scratch or cut.

Then there is my food problem where i just over eat or under eat. I can go days without food but as soon as my mind is taken off i start eating again but not like a normal person… Like a fucking Horse!! I am so afraid of gaining weight, i think i actually have so i havent weighed myself latley untill i get my food back under control. Just thinking about it make me really dissapointed with myself and angry that i cant be small. It is so frustrating.

Then i have a problem with self harm and i have tried to stop but it just doesnt work. I have been cutting for 5 years now and it is so devastating. I have 2 scars on my left wrist and i have like hundruds on my right leg, it is a long story about how it started but it isnt good! When i used to cut i used to get a high from it but since quiting at the start of the year and going 4 months without it… i went into marjor depression and i bacically really and trully wanted to kill myself. That is when i relapsed and the cutting no longer gave me a high anymore… I just wanted the pain to last forever. But it doent and it is making me want to cut deeper.

I just really dont care about life anymore and just want to sleep all the time.

Do you think i should?? Xx

This is what I done to myself because my head was telling me that I had a worm under my skin and it was uncomfortable and it was itching so I itched it till it nearly bled on my arm… But now I am shit scared cause my co workings are going to see it and I don’t know what to tell them? Fuck I honk they are going to catch on soon and I am super super scared out of my life that they are going to put me in a mental hospital!!! Xx

I have a boy friend now but he is already being an ass but am willing to give him a second chance because i understand him and i am his first ever girlfriend so i think he might be a bit scared but i am tooo. Even though i have had a boyfriend i havent gone as far as kissing yet!! lets hope we get somewhere in this relationship!! LOL Also i am getting a new sim for my phone and it is a contract and not pay as you go!

LOVE Xx

PS… Im having a MARJOR WEIGHT LOSS Journey if i am going to have sex with him in 2 months!! :S

Xx

Or this?